Sorry Jim, but we’re going to have to agree to disagree on this. Moving through space is all well and good but realistically the only outcome is winding up sitting on a different lump of rock. And if you’re lucky the locals, who may or may not have blue skin, won’t try to disembowel you for planting a flag on some of their prime real estate. Sounds to me like your just holding down a job and paying a mortgage somewhere slightly different. That said, “Sorry mum, I’m 20,000 light years away.” is a half descent excuse to avoid family gatherings. But it does leave you with the hassle of explaining to her that turning the warp drive off and on again won’t get you home any faster. I’m thinking time travel, that’s the big one.
In my infinite boredom I find myself wondering when I would go. Which is a much more interesting question than where I would go. The sad fact of life is that the practicalities ruin the innate magic. Traveling around the world should be an ideal thing to fantasise about while I sit at my desk doing very little work (but still probably on facebook). But the whole idea is tarnished by the realities. It’s a feasible idea, it’s workable in the world we live in. So when i think about traveling around the world my first thought is not of the magnificent rivers and breath-taking mountains but expense! Wham! The flashbacks set in from previous Ryan Air flights. You start a check list in your head; make an appointment with the doctor, buy travel insurance, find someone to look after the dog etc etc What started off as a fantasy has turned into a rather dull string of organisational tasks. Believe me, that’s not how I like my daydreams to end!
Wouldn’t mind swinging by the 16th century for a while. (Talk about needing you travel vaccinations!) A quick round of golf with a chap named Henry wouldn’t go a miss. I foresee (Actually, would you call it foresight?) a beautiful opportunity for an ‘Enjoying 18 holes / having 6 wives’ joke emerging. I suppose making it a quick round could be a tactical error, only playing 9 holes might scupper things slightly.
Having a gander at the future would be a laugh too. Not my own future, I have no interest in knowing how my life pans out. I like to encounter each individual piece of misery as it occurs. And don’t give me any of that changing your life for the better crap. I’ve seen enough sci-fi to know that it doesn’t work. I’ll end up making things worse, condemn myself to the lime green prison of an ASDA uniform and possibly even cause the universe to collapse in on itself. Only bad can come of it. I mean the real future. Robots, flashing lights, a Costa on the moon - the whole shabang! It’ll be reassuring to see that people are still screwing things up 400 years from now. America will probably be invading the middle east for its dilithium crystals under the guise of peace-keeping.
We’re wandering dangerously close to the realms in which people think themselves cool for knowing what “TARDIS’ stands for, so I’ll draw to a timely close. In the time it has taken to write this blog, the adventurer within me has been quashed and the rather dull, financially motivated side has arisen. I’m thinking I might pop back to the 90s and invest in a little company called google...
Timelessly yours,
Guiteau
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